CC Wakes Up
by Tanya Reed
Summary: My take on what happened in "The Dummy Twins" between Niles telling off CC and Max and Fran finding them in bed together.


"Me, marry you? Please, you are a pathetic excuse for a man."

CC Babcock knew she was a cold and occasionally cruel woman. It was a persona she had been purposefully developing for years. It was easier to harden herself against everything than to let anything touch her. The feeling she was most familiar with was pain, and she'd rather feel nothing than be subjected to it again. Because of this, all of her moves were calculated and all of her words were barbed. Even her subtle pursuit of Maxwell had been more intellectual than amorous—though she did find him somewhat attractive.

"Ditto," Niles said, anger in his eyes and flaring in his voice. She'd never seen him look so angry. "But at least I know when it's time to move on. You are going to spend the rest of your life pining for a man who doesn't love you and who's married to a woman half your age..."

Years of building that wall, brick by brick, and only a handful of seconds to shatter it. For the first time in longer than she could remember, she really listened to what someone had to say. The words pierced her, one by one as they fell from Niles's lips. She felt the unfamiliar pricking of real tears fill her eyes and tighten her throat.

CC swallowed hard and tried to keep her features neutral. She wanted to turn away but couldn't.

It was with some relief that she watched a very pregnant Nanny Fine come forward and briefly leech away some of Niles's intensity. "Oh, Niles, please, don't go."

The butler's eyes flicked to her, but he didn't acknowledge her words. In an instant, his gaze was back on CC, burning into her as he brutally said the only truly honest words she could ever remember him saying to her.

"Look around you." He gestured to the Sheffields, who were staring as if they were watching a pair of exotic zoo animals. "They're married. They're starting a family. Where are you going to be ten, twenty years from now?"

CC continued to fight for control as his words sunk in. She refused to let him see that they were reaching her—really reaching her.

She couldn't look at him.

"You're going to be saying Merry Christmas to your friends in rehab and wondering what might have been." The disgust in his voice hit CC like a blow. She kept her arms crossed tightly so that he couldn't see she had begun to tremble.

Once he stopped speaking, she forced them down, forced her body into a relaxed pose. It was a feeble gesture of defiance, but he wasn't even really looking at her anymore. He was already turning and going up the stairs. His next words were for Maxwell alone.

"I'll be leaving first thing in the morning, sir."

CC glanced his way as Niles went up the stairs but refused to watch him go. A huge weight had settled on her chest, making it hard to breathe, and his words were spinning around in her head.

Both Maxwell and Nanny Fine looked as shocked as CC felt, and Fran's hand had sadly gone to her chest in sympathy. CC tried not to resent them for seeing her vulnerability. After all, it wasn't their fault, it was hers. As always, she had screwed up. This was why she had built that stupid wall and now, when she needed it most, it was in sharp, scattered shards at her feet.

CC blinked and, through a throat thick with tears, softly said, "My God, he's right." She tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. "The best years of my life are gone...and they sucked. I have always stayed too long at the fair." Her voice cracked but somehow she was able to keep it even. Dropping her eyes, hiding her humiliation, she picked up her purse. "Well, not this time."

She could feel Max and Miss Fine behind her, their eyes watching her every move. Somehow, she managed to hold herself together as she filled the stunned silence.

"I have to move on." She went to the door, pausing only to throw over her shoulder, "Maxwell, my resignation will be on your desk in the morning."

As soon as the door closed behind her, CC lost some of her composure. A tear slid down her cheek and she angrily swiped it away. She hated feelings. She hated them. Another tear slipped down as she hurried out to her car.

She slid behind the wheel and wondered what she was going to do now. She was thirty-nine years old, and she had been with Maxwell Sheffield since she was a girl. She had worked her way up from assistant to junior partner, and she wondered if she would have to do that all over again. Maybe it would be easier to just live a life of leisure.

CC knew her musings were to avoid thinking of Niles's words. They didn't work. The words had dug deep, and she couldn't shake them loose.

She was alone. She had always been alone. She was always going to be alone. It was the thought that made her pursue Maxwell so doggedly and the one that had caused her to harden her heart to his children, Miss Fine, and, yes, Niles. If you didn't love someone, they couldn't hurt you. At least that's what she'd always believed, but she felt pretty damned hurt now. And alone.

The years that Niles had painted stretched out in front of her. She would become more bitter, more lonely, and when she died no one would bother to come to her funeral. CC was disgusted by her own self-pity but that didn't stop the tears from dripping more swiftly down her cheeks or the strangled sob from forcing itself from her throat.

Damn him anyway.

CC searched through her purse for her keys, but when she found them she just couldn't force herself to put them in the ignition. She couldn't leave.

With a sigh, she leaned against the head rest and just let herself feel—anger, fear, loneliness, grief. So much grief, but she wasn't exactly sure what she was mourning.

For over two hours, she sat out there and watched the silent house. Welcoming lights dimmed as the people inside went to bed, and it made her so sad that she would never see them again. She would miss them—all of them, even Nanny Fine. Fran, who seemed almost as hurt by Niles's words as CC herself.

CC wondered where she was going to go. She couldn't stay in New York. Maybe Paris. She grimaced, feeling cold inside. It didn't matter where. Wherever she went, it would be the same. But there would be no drinking. CC could at least make sure that part of Niles's prediction didn't come true.

Another pang seized her as she realized that even though she would miss them, not one person in that house would even notice she was gone.

Except Niles.

This was a foreign thought and CC let it sink in. Surely, a man who had proposed to her four times in a week would miss her. And now that she was leaving, he wouldn't have to. He could stay with the family that loved him. She had to tell him...and she had to say good bye.

Before she could change her mind or sink back into pain and self-pity, CC threw open the car door. The back of the house would be best, she decided. She didn't want to run into Nanny Fine or Maxwell. She had already said her good byes to them and she didn't think she had the strength to do it again.

Quietly, she went around the house and tried the knob on the kitchen door. It turned easily, and she wondered where to start looking for Niles.

The thought died and her breath caught as she saw him standing in his pajamas and robe in front of the refrigerator. His back was to her as he scanned the contents.

When Niles turned to see who had come in, his face blanked and hardened. CC felt tears come to her eyes again and an ache come to her chest. This had been a mistake.

"What are you doing here?" he asked harshly.

CC swallowed and tried to answer. She knew was she was supposed to be saying. She was supposed to apologize for being so cruel; she was supposed to be telling him she was leaving so he didn't have to; she was supposed to be saying good bye. None of that came out.

"Well?" he prodded.

"I..." Her voice trembled, so CC swallowed again. She fought the tears and the knowledge that she was a disgusting screw up and that she always had been. She wanted to do the right thing for once, dammit. Why couldn't she? "I...don't want to be alone."

The words came out soft and shaky, and the truth of them forced her eyes to spill over. CC clenched her teeth so she wouldn't make it worse by giving them sound.

What was she doing? The logical part of her brain was screaming at her, ordering her to slam up her walls and flee.

The anger drained from Niles's face, and astonishment took its place. CC forced herself to meet his gaze and ignore the fact that water dripped off her chin.

His eyes searched her face. For the first time, she noticed they were blue. It was such an inconsequential thing, but it was something to focus on while she decided what she was going to do.

"You don't have to be alone, sweetheart," he rumbled, and his face softened. His voice was low and made her shiver. "Not anymore."

To emphasize his point, he opened his arms and raised an eyebrow at her. CC bit her lip, the knowledge that she was on the brink of something making butterflies take flight in her belly. He didn't hurry her as she hesitated, though she was sure at any moment he would angrily turn away and cut her off at the knees again.

It was his calm patience that decided her. She made a little sound of surrender and hurried across the room. His arms accepted her, bringing her tightly against him. More tears fell as she returned his embrace, turning her face into his neck.

"Oh, Miss Babcock," he said soothingly, "it's not as bad as all that."

"I'm sorry," she forced out. "I don't think you're pathetic. I'm pathetic. I'm a horrible, horrible person. It's all my fault."

"Don't be so hard on yourself...That's my job."

She smiled against him. How had she ever thought she could live without him? Some days, he was the only reason she got up in the morning. Tentatively, she pressed her lips against his neck. He sighed and rubbed his hand up and down her back.

"I'm sorry too." He pulled from her and wiped gently at the lingering traces of her tears. It seemed so strange that he was being nice to her after all these years, but CC thought it wouldn't take much getting used to. Suddenly, he gave her a sly smile and a wink. "If you'd like to go upstairs, we could show each other how sorry we are."

CC almost gasped at the audacity of that statement. When he wiggled his eyebrows, amusement bubbled up inside of her and she laughed. Flippantly, she thought, What the hell?

"I'd like that."

His surprise made her chuckle more.

"Really?"

"Why not?"

"Well, then," he reached for her hand, "shall we?"

She took his almost shyly as an unfamiliar feeling filled her. "Lead on, butler boy."


End file.
